16 year olds aren't supposed to die. That's what I've been saying all week and what I've been hearing from the students at Mapleton High School. They lost one of their peers last Friday night, a young man who died in a single-car accident not far from his home. There has been plenty of speculation about what happened and how it all occurred. But as I have said to the students throughout this past week, it really doesn't matter how it happened. The end result is the same: this young man died, and many have lost someone who was significant to them. You can change the story that leads up to the crash, but the end result of the crash is always the same: Brian is dead. That is the part of the story that is hardest to swallow.
When someone so young dies, it causes everyone around them to be confronted with a reality that never seemed possible. To 16 year olds, nobody young ever dies. Old people die, animals die, even parents die - but 16 year olds don't die. This reality shatters the illusion they have been able to uphold for such a long time. It can be earth-shattering and life changing. It can turn your world, and your worldview, upside down. For these kids who have recently been confronted with this, that is definitely what has happened, and now they are left trying to reconcile this disruption in their lives and their world.
As adults, we need to support teenagers when a situation such as this happens. We need to reassure them that 16 year olds don't normally die. However, we also need to have a frank discussion about the risks teens take that can lead to outcomes like this. They need to know what puts THEM at risk, and what they can do to take control of their lives. Not in a preachy, Thou-Shalt-Not kind of way. In a "Hey - I really care about you and I don't want this to happen to you too, so let's talk about what you can do to avoid this outcome" kind of way. It's important to have these conversations and to make a point to talk with teens about death, about risks, and about grief. Because they are all a part of life, and life is sometimes hard. Let's help them figure out how to cope with these difficulties now so they can deal with them and learn good coping skills for the future. More than anything, we just need to be there: to listen to them, to hug them, to commiserate with them. Teens need to know we're here for them, and that we'll be here for them in the future. They just need to know they're not alone, especially at a time when they will feel most isolated. And they need to be reminded - 16 year olds don't normally die. So let's figure out how to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Rest in peace, Brian; you will be missed.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Teen Pregnancy Rates
Well, the data are in for 2008. To view how many teens gave birth in 2008 in each state, click here.
When looking at Ohio, I guess it's a good thing we are not statistically different than the national average. However, looking at each state's data and the information overall, the trends are disturbing. What shocked me as I looked at the data is how many non-Hispanic black teens and Hispanic teens are giving birth as teens. The rates are more than DOUBLE the rates of non-Hispanic white teens. That, to me, is shocking. So what does that mean? How do we interpret that? How can we impact these statistics? I don't know if I have the answers, but I at least think we need to be asking the questions. To me, so many issues come to mind: you have teens who a good majority are probably living in poverty, then giving birth as teens and thus re-creating the pattern and bringing the next generation into poverty. How do we stop this trend? I don't know. But I do know we need to figure it out. The cycle of poverty is discouraging and debilitating, and we need to do whatever we can to eliminate it. I just don't know if this society has the courage, the REAL courage, to confront it.
In Ashland County, our numbers are up some this year. I don't know what to make of that either, except that many of the teens giving birth this year are not ones that are known to Ashand Parenting Plus. That tells me we still have work to do because there are youth we aren't reaching. In our groups, the numbers are good; our rate is about 1% which is amazing considering 30% of teen girls are expected to experience a pregnancy by the age of 20. And remember, we serve many youth who are considered to be at highest risk for pregnancy! So, we are doing well. However, this study, and our numbers for births throughout the county in 2010 so far, show me we still have more to do. Job security, I guess, but I would still like to go be a greeter at Wal-Mart some day and work myself out of a job. There would be nothing more satisfying than the world not needing our services anymore!
On that note, don't forget to attend our Celebration Open House tomorrow, October 21 from 4-5pm at our building, 1763 St. Rt. 60 (by the career center, in the old Heartland Home). We are celebrating 25 years of service to Ashland County! Come by & grab a piece of cake. Help us celebrate the fact that we're still here! We'll be here as longer as we're needed.
When looking at Ohio, I guess it's a good thing we are not statistically different than the national average. However, looking at each state's data and the information overall, the trends are disturbing. What shocked me as I looked at the data is how many non-Hispanic black teens and Hispanic teens are giving birth as teens. The rates are more than DOUBLE the rates of non-Hispanic white teens. That, to me, is shocking. So what does that mean? How do we interpret that? How can we impact these statistics? I don't know if I have the answers, but I at least think we need to be asking the questions. To me, so many issues come to mind: you have teens who a good majority are probably living in poverty, then giving birth as teens and thus re-creating the pattern and bringing the next generation into poverty. How do we stop this trend? I don't know. But I do know we need to figure it out. The cycle of poverty is discouraging and debilitating, and we need to do whatever we can to eliminate it. I just don't know if this society has the courage, the REAL courage, to confront it.
In Ashland County, our numbers are up some this year. I don't know what to make of that either, except that many of the teens giving birth this year are not ones that are known to Ashand Parenting Plus. That tells me we still have work to do because there are youth we aren't reaching. In our groups, the numbers are good; our rate is about 1% which is amazing considering 30% of teen girls are expected to experience a pregnancy by the age of 20. And remember, we serve many youth who are considered to be at highest risk for pregnancy! So, we are doing well. However, this study, and our numbers for births throughout the county in 2010 so far, show me we still have more to do. Job security, I guess, but I would still like to go be a greeter at Wal-Mart some day and work myself out of a job. There would be nothing more satisfying than the world not needing our services anymore!
On that note, don't forget to attend our Celebration Open House tomorrow, October 21 from 4-5pm at our building, 1763 St. Rt. 60 (by the career center, in the old Heartland Home). We are celebrating 25 years of service to Ashland County! Come by & grab a piece of cake. Help us celebrate the fact that we're still here! We'll be here as longer as we're needed.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Bullying
http://http//today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39620074/ns/today-today_people
Have you heard about the four students who suicided as a result of bullying in Mentor, OH? If not, click on the link above for information regarding the incidents and links to other related articles. News of this hit last week, and it has continued to dominate websites since then. I was listening to a Cleveland radio station the other morning, and they were discussing this story since Mentor is not far from Cleveland.
One caller who called in, a teen girl who attends the school, said it's not true - bullying is not occurring. She flat out denied anything of the sort going on. My question is: what planet is she on? Seriously - where is she living? I might not be a teen, but I am in a local high school/middle school every week, and I can GUARANTEE bullying is going on. Our group facilitators are in every middle school and high school in Ashland County, and I guarantee you: bullying is happening on a daily basis. Ashland maybe a small community, but I highly doubt it's that different from Mentor High School. I also highly doubt Mentor is "immune" from the bullying issue. So instead of debating whether or not bullying is "really" happening, let's assmue it is and stop debating THAT - and start figuring out what to do to change it.
In a related story, I attended a girls' high school soccer game last night between two Ashland County teams. There was quite a bit of pushing and shoving going on, significantly from one of the teams but the other team was not innocent. As the game progressed, it became more and more aggressive. Now I was sitting in the stands with the more aggressive team's fans, and I could hear the students cheering the girls on to be more aggressive and push the other team around. I expect some of that; they're teens and don't always know better. However, I started to pay more attention to the parents who I could hear laughing and joking when one of the other team's players went down - from a foul committed by their team. The biggest shock came late in the game, when one of the team's players received a yellow card for obviously and maliciously attacking the other team's player from behind. Having played soccer, I know this is the type of attack that can break someone's leg. The students cheered, and the parents laughed. One parent even said, "I'm so proud. It's not even my daughter, but I'm proud of her." In disgust, I got up and left the stands.
Now I ask - is it any wonder we have girls getting into fights more frequently than even the boys at this point? Is it any wonder bullying is such a significant issue? If we have parents encouraging and PRAISING their teens for essentially sucker-punching girls on a soccer field, then why would they not beat the crap out of someone for making a smart remark? Indeed, they might even get a "I'm proud of you" from their parents when they get home.
We all need a wake-up call. Parents, be accountable to and for your kids. And kids, be accountable for standing up when someone treats someone else badly. If you don't do it, then who will? But if you DO stand up for someone, think of who else might do it for someone else, and just think about where that might lead. No one else should die just because someone wants a good laugh that day. Stick up for someone & someone might stick up for you.
Have you heard about the four students who suicided as a result of bullying in Mentor, OH? If not, click on the link above for information regarding the incidents and links to other related articles. News of this hit last week, and it has continued to dominate websites since then. I was listening to a Cleveland radio station the other morning, and they were discussing this story since Mentor is not far from Cleveland.
One caller who called in, a teen girl who attends the school, said it's not true - bullying is not occurring. She flat out denied anything of the sort going on. My question is: what planet is she on? Seriously - where is she living? I might not be a teen, but I am in a local high school/middle school every week, and I can GUARANTEE bullying is going on. Our group facilitators are in every middle school and high school in Ashland County, and I guarantee you: bullying is happening on a daily basis. Ashland maybe a small community, but I highly doubt it's that different from Mentor High School. I also highly doubt Mentor is "immune" from the bullying issue. So instead of debating whether or not bullying is "really" happening, let's assmue it is and stop debating THAT - and start figuring out what to do to change it.
In a related story, I attended a girls' high school soccer game last night between two Ashland County teams. There was quite a bit of pushing and shoving going on, significantly from one of the teams but the other team was not innocent. As the game progressed, it became more and more aggressive. Now I was sitting in the stands with the more aggressive team's fans, and I could hear the students cheering the girls on to be more aggressive and push the other team around. I expect some of that; they're teens and don't always know better. However, I started to pay more attention to the parents who I could hear laughing and joking when one of the other team's players went down - from a foul committed by their team. The biggest shock came late in the game, when one of the team's players received a yellow card for obviously and maliciously attacking the other team's player from behind. Having played soccer, I know this is the type of attack that can break someone's leg. The students cheered, and the parents laughed. One parent even said, "I'm so proud. It's not even my daughter, but I'm proud of her." In disgust, I got up and left the stands.
Now I ask - is it any wonder we have girls getting into fights more frequently than even the boys at this point? Is it any wonder bullying is such a significant issue? If we have parents encouraging and PRAISING their teens for essentially sucker-punching girls on a soccer field, then why would they not beat the crap out of someone for making a smart remark? Indeed, they might even get a "I'm proud of you" from their parents when they get home.
We all need a wake-up call. Parents, be accountable to and for your kids. And kids, be accountable for standing up when someone treats someone else badly. If you don't do it, then who will? But if you DO stand up for someone, think of who else might do it for someone else, and just think about where that might lead. No one else should die just because someone wants a good laugh that day. Stick up for someone & someone might stick up for you.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Glamorizing or Reality-Based?
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy recently posted a picture of the cover of People magazine on its blog, prompting a discussion as to whether having the girls from the MTV show "Teen Mom" on the cover of magazines is glamorizing teen pregnancy (to see the blog, go to http://blog.thenationalcampaign.org/pregnant_pause/2010/09/teen-mom-cover-girls.php). I have read the article, and I have certainly seen the show. I don't think the show really glamorizes teen pregnancy, but I do agree that even these girls aren't fully exposing the "reality" of life simply because they receive payment for doing the show - something none of the teens I work with receive. This increased income sets them apart from their other peers. However, their relationship dramas, parenting issues, and family squabbles certainly do reflect the same kinds of things their peers face. I think the harsh reality of those issues, even on MTV, can be a good thing for other teens to see. If nothing else, it should be a place to start a discussion with teens about all of these issues, and from there you can debate some of the larger issues. Even having a conversation is important; it doesn't matter how it starts, simply that it starts. For that reason alone, I am grateful to these "Teen Mom" cover girls.
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